Tag: grace

This is not shit.

Shit does not smell like rotten yogurt or act like eraser rubbings. It smears on things and comes out once or twice a day not once or twice a second.

You guys tricked us and I will never forgive you.

I guess I can console myself with the fact that eventually it gets better.

Right?

As you may have gathered, Tessavale has been with us since Wednesday. Those of you with children already know how that first week is and those without will not really care abot the details, so I will spare the recounting.

The first evening the oxygen guy was supposed to meet us at the house to give us more tanks, but it was late and the weather was bad so he decided to come up the next day. After our first night of baby at home they politely called at 7AM to confirm that they would be out after 11AM. As it turned out he did not leave Denver till 3:30PM and the weather was worse. I had to meet him at the Loaf n Jug on 285.

Learned an important lesson about the difference between slow and fast flow nipples. Tessavale falls asleep without eating much because slow nipples wear her out. Which means she is up more often and that is not good for us.

Despite all the sleepless nights and chaotic days we are very glad to have her home.

Dad

In 50 minutes Tessavale will have been out in the open for 336 hours, 14 days, 2 weeks, or 1 fortnight depending on your reckoning. All of which have been spent away from home and family. We have visited each day since her birth and we have come home each day. Except today Mom gets to stay behind and spend the night with our daughter.

While I am certain tonight will be a comfort for the heart, hers and mine, I doubt the body will be pleased. Though Mom has been steeling herself for this night by waking up around the clock to get friendly with an impersonal pump, I think the stress of not knowing exactly when the alarm will start crying ought to make sleep challenging.

Not that this week has not already been a strain in new ways and in old. Middle of the week Tessavale had what they keep calling an ‘apnic episode’. Which basically meant that she would occasionally stop breathing in her sleep. As if her new little brain was so busy processing the events and environment around her that she just got distracted and forgot some of the important things–like breathing. I can certainly sympathize, the NICU is a bustling place, but I think as Dad I need to step in to say, “We’ll have none of this laziness, you get back to breathing or else.”

They of course ran tests and found nothing but a bit of extra fluid on the brain for a possible excuse. Today they did a follow up test for an after picture to go with the before from last week. We have not seen the results of today’s test, but I can tell you based on what we have seen in the days since, she is fine and growing onward. Do not want any of this to worry you readers–that’s why we saved the details for after the fact and when we felt confident the situation had passed.

The great news is that because Tessavale has been eating from a bottle for almost seven days, has been gaining weight, has mastered the art of breastfeeding, and has been on barely above normal oxygen for many days they are finally giving us a definitive day that we will be able to take her home: Wednesday. Or maybe Thursday.

I guess that means we will need to fire up Tessavale’s room for something more than a dry run. One of our cats tested the crib, so that is good. Might need to put a dog in a onesy. Maybe run a vacuum across the carpet. This must be the part where my life changes forever?

Dad

A week ago Tessavale was due in 30 days. Now she is 7 days old.

Born 5 lbs 2.5 oz and 19 inches long and in her 35th of +37 preferred weeks. She has been on and off the ventilator twice, spent most of the remaining time with the slightly less invasive CPAP, and now, finally, on her second Monday she has been enjoying the comfort and passive oxygen from a plain old nasal canula.

She went from an IV in the scalp to one in the hand, the other hand, the foot, back in the scalp, hand, foot, and other foot. But she is no longer using that either and has graduated from 6 cc’s of milk to 36 at last count. She will max out at 46–probably tomorrow.

As a premie, her liver is smaller and does not process the breaking down of fetal red blood cells as quickly as it might if she had been full term. She spends most of her days wearing purple shades and sitting under 3 bright lamps to reduce the jaundice.

It has been a bit odd for us as new parents. We had planned for things and planned to plan for others, but we had not anticipated not getting to take her home with us when we left. Its like we are parents in limbo.

Maybe it will feel like this when the last one goes off to college. Knowing that we can always go see them, knowing that our lives have changed forever, but not having them here with us.

I have been told to enjoy this neutral zone–and I will try–but I can not help feeling a bit disconcerted.

Dad

On the way back from babysitting The Canadian’s children we came up with a few ideas on names.

I like multisyllabic names.

The way they tumble out of the month like a stream dashing down the rocks of a creek appeals to my sense of rhythm. Makes you think about the name.

Consider its value.

Heft its weight.

Taste its flavor.

___________

I hope my child is happy and joyful and enthusiastic about life. But I want her to have a name that conveys seriousness and intellgence.

Quite a challenge.

Yesterday I discovered that my first child would be a daughter.

Interestingly this comes as no real surprise to my wife or I. We had been staying neutral about the gender–not caring one way or the other–but figuring it would be a girl.

The Mother-in-Law said so.

The internet Chinese gender thing said so.

And then the ultrasound technician said so.

And it was good.

And it IS good.

Gives us twice as much time to come up with a name for her. And an easier gender to pick a name for if you ask me. More freedom to modify the spelling and more freedom to go out on the fringes without missing the point.

I have started incorporating what she will look like in this search. I think that having a vision of her as a baby, a child, and then and adult can only aide in the creation of a name.

But as yet we have not even started putting names to paper. I suspect there is no rush an that there will be late entries into the game even after we have narrowed it down to a few.

Should be fun.